I have been home only 5 days, and have not adjusted yet. I have the most culture shock in the places that I see; as in the beautiful cornfields that Indiana has, and the vivid greens that God painted Mishawaka with, and with the foods I eat. The second day I was home, my mom made meat and potatoes, which is a meal that we have been having almost every sunday since I was little, and when I ate it- I cried.
With every taste, texture, scenery, voice, and chirping of birds, I feel like I'm in a sort of dream, thinking of how this place can exist when one so different exists across the seas.
With these thoughts weighing heavily on my mind, I sometimes do double takes on whether or not I'll be able to handle all of my friends. My mind tries to trick me thinking, with thoughts so deep, how would they understand- if they've never been there before? How will I have any idea what to say, when all I truly want to do is sit still, silent, and bask in the glorious colours of our city. My mind will ask- How will you not be awkward? just wanting to observe and not participate, but just see the beauty- when your friends are ready to get out into the world... and your just coming home?
All these questions roll around in my head, until I remember the cards that my close friends sent to me during Christmas. They wrote, they cared, and they loved on me even when I was away. God touched each of their lives somehow through me, and He will continue to do so even while I'm home.
So who am I? To say I won't see people? When what I have gone through and seen will be such a good reality to people who have been blind to the poverty that walks the face of our earth. Since I have been so blessed to be the first one from Mishawaka to travel so far for so long, there is something that needs to come out of it, that my friends' will once again be touched by.
So who am I to stop God's will? Because with God's love directing my steps, with God's words directing my tongue, and with God's fiery passion directing my heart, nothing is awkward :)
So while many times adjusting to American society may sometimes shut people into themselves with such questions, or make people completely forget of the experience they just had, because it's easier to just take the cool stuff from the trip and move on quickly- I will do neither.
I will embrace, enjoy, and revel in the beauty that I now appreciate so much more in Mishawaka: The phenomenal godly friends that love me dearly, the food that my mom has cooked since I was litt, and the nature that surrounds us on every side. I will be ready to be molded by God again and again while I am adjusting to Indiana, so that the truths He revealed to me in Indonesia will come out full force in my words and actions. I will also remember- all the things He brought me through while in Indonesia, and the realization that He brought in every huge rain storm, dark spiritual battle, and beautiful scene- that HE IS GOD, El Roi, El Shaddai, Jehovah Jireh, the banner that went before me and after me, my fortress, my rock, my salvation and my leader. The one who makes my schedule, listens to my every cry, and works through every detail. The one who made the stars, who is greatest- most powerful, omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and worthy of all my praise- for HE IS GOD.
amen.